


Death By A Thousand Cuts

by octothorpetopus



Series: Lover [3]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Dead Eddie Kaspbrak, Depression, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier-centric, Gen, Heavy Angst, Leaving Home, M/M, Memorials, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, POV Richie Tozier, Post-Canon, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier Needs a Hug, Sad Richie Tozier, Soft Richie Tozier, Wakes & Funerals, but who knows, probably canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-10-06 12:03:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20506715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octothorpetopus/pseuds/octothorpetopus
Summary: After it's all over, the Losers meet one last time, to remember those they've lost before they're forgotten once again.





	Death By A Thousand Cuts

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, just a heads up that I'm not seeing the movie until Sunday, so please be careful not to spoil anything! Thanks, and as always, I love getting comments and feedback from you guys. -C

Richie wasn't sure he'd be able to make it. His bag was packed and sitting by the door of his room at the Derry Townhouse. All he had to do was grab it and get in his rental car and he could be on the next flight back to California. Mike had called from the hospital this morning and asked everyone to come down so they could have a little memorial for Eddie. When Mike had said Eddie's name, his voice caught in his throat. Richie had said yes, of course he'd be there, but now, he couldn't imagine it. Because going to that hospital room and having a drink with his friends would mean acknowledging that Eddie was dead and that he was not coming back. And Richie wasn't sure he could deal with that.

"Rich?" Beverly's voice came with a soft knock on his door. "You coming?" Richie brusquely brushed away the tears that were dripping down his cheeks and tried his best to smile, although she couldn't see him.

"Um, I don't know, Bev." He paused, scrambling for an excuse. "I think I might be coming down with something." Bev was silent for a moment, then the door handle turned.

"I'm coming in, Richie." Richie quickly wiped his face again, hoping his eyes weren't as red and raw as they felt. Evidently, they were, because when Beverly saw him, she stopped in her tracks, and then ran to him, wrapping him in an embrace. Richie buried his face in her shoulder, and once again, his shoulders began to shake with the weight of his sobs. "It's okay, it's okay," she repeated, stroking his hair with one hand. When he was at last all cried out, Richie pulled out of Bev's arms and stared straight ahead, refusing to meet her eyes.

"If I go, it- it makes it real. But if I leave, I'll forget. And the shitty thing is-" He met her eyes finally, and there was a sadness in his so deep and profound that it was like staring into the Mariana Trench, where you don't know if it ever stops. "The shitty thing is that I don't know which one's worse."

"Of course you don't, but..." Beverly trailed off, looking uneasy. When she finally spoke again, it was halting. Cautious. "This sounds... bad, but... you're going to forget him either way. You'll leave and go back to Los Angeles, and he'll be dead, but you won't remember that. None of us will. So isn't it better to say goodbye before you go?"

"I said goodbye when I left him in that sewer to die. Alone." Richie spat out the last word.

"He was already dead, Richie. There's nothing more you could've done."

"Of course I could have, Bev!" Richie stood up now, dragging his hands through his hair, his eyes wide and frightened. The look of a child. "I could have brought him out and given him a proper funeral instead of leaving him alone in that- that place!" His breathing came short and strangled. "He was Eddie, you know? The kid who refused to play in the Barrens because he was worried about getting a staph infection! The kid who had two fanny packs! The kid who kept using his aspirator even though he knew it was just water! And we left him! _I left him!" _He was nearly hyperventilating now.

"Richie." Beverly reached out and took his hand. "Richie, stop."

"I can't do it."

"Yes. You can. Remember what you told him? 'You're braver than you think.' Put on a brave face, Richie. If not for him, than for the rest of us." There was something so unnerving about being quoted to himself, but she was right. He hated that she was, but she was.

"Hey, guys." Both Richie and Bev jumped and turned to look at the door. Ben was shifting from foot to foot awkwardly in the doorway. "Sorry, did I interrupt something."

"Nah, Haystack, you're good." Richie managed a dim smile.

"So... are we going?" Bev looked up at Richie from where she sat on the edge of the bed.

"I don't know. Richie, are we?" Richie took a deep breath and exhaled shakily.

"Yeah. Yeah, let's go."

It was sunny outside, but Mike had shut the shades in his hospital room, and just a few thin lines of sunlight fell across the tiled floor. Bill was already there, sitting in a chair by Mike's bed. Three more chairs had been pulled in a semicircle around the room. Only five. Just the thought of that almost made Richie start crying again. Ben was, he noticed. The three of them sat, Richie in between Bill and Bev, who was holding tight to both his and Ben's hands. A bottle of whiskey and a stack of plastic cups sat on the bedside table.

"Thanks for coming," Mike said, grimacing. He nudged Bill's shoulder. "Bill, can you..." He jerked his head at the whiskey.

"Yeah, of c-c-course." Bill opened the bottle and poured whiskey into seven cups. Two sat untouched on the table.

"I think we should all say a few words, is that okay?" Everyone nodded. "Then I guess I'll go first." Mike thought for a moment. "I can't say I'm glad that It came back, but... in some ways, I guess I am. It coming back meant so did all of you. Well... almost all of you. And I'm glad we got to see each other again. I can pretty safely say that joining the Losers Club saved my life. If you all hadn't been there that day in the Barrens, Henry Bowers would have killed me for sure. He almost did." Almost unconsciously, Mike looked down at his bandaged chest. "And we've been through the craziest, shittiest things imaginable... but I wouldn't give that up if it meant giving up all of you." He looked around, his eyes flicking from person to person like it hurt to look too long at anyone. "I'm done." Ben cleared his throat next.

"I, uh... I'm not the best speaker, but... the day I met Bill and Eddie was the best day of my life. I remember Eddie's aspirator was empty, so Bill had to go get a refill, and I sat with Eddie until he got back. He was... something else. So was Stan. So are we all, I guess. And even if we forget them, I don't think we'll ever be the same, now that they're gone." Bev squeezed his hand and nodded.

"We lost the very best of us, I think," she said, staring pensively into her glass. "Stan was our rock. He reminded us that we live in the real world and that even with all of this crazy bullshit going on, reality has to start somewhere. And Eddie, he was so brave. Not just in the end, but always. He could have left when we dragged him through the sewer, or when he broke his arm, or a billion other times. But he stuck with us, and I don't think I'll ever forget what he did for us." Bill looked at Richie. Richie shook his head.

"If not for Eddie, then we would've been dead of starvation and lost in the sewers long before Pennywise could ever get to us. He was our compass, both morally and literally. He reminded us what mattered wasn't killing the clown, it was being together. It seems almost ironic that he couldn't be here with us today. And Stan... sometimes I feel bad, because I gave Stan so much shit when we were kids. But he was so resilient. And I don't blame him for what he did. Sometimes I think we all should've done the same thing. It's not his fault. And one day, we'll see him again." Bill didn't stutter a single time. The others sat in a stunned silence, staring at him. Bill shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "R-Richie?"

"I don't... I don't really have anything to say."

"Of course you do," Mike pressed him. "You knew them the best."

"Yeah? So what? Eddie and Stan were my best friends in the whole world, no offense to the rest of you, and now they're both dead and I'm alone. And we're all going to leave and forget them again, so what's the point?"

"Richie..." Bev squeezed his hand.

"I miss him." Richie's voice became small and timid. "It's been less than a day since... and I already miss him so goddamn much."

"We all do."

"Bill." Beverly fixed Bill with a severe look.

"Sorry, Rich."

"'S fine. Anyway, Mike, this has been really great. It was a really good idea, but I gotta go if I want to catch my plane." Richie stood and went to the doorway. He turned back and sketched a little salute. "I'll see you on the flipside, Losers."

"See you, Trashmouth," Bev responded, tears welling in her eyes.

So they left, Richie first, then Ben and Bev together, then Bill, who stayed in Derry with his wife for a week before going back to London, and then finally Mike, his purpose served, finally leaving Derry behind him. Despite the fact that they all left Derry and began to forget again, they carried the fallen with them.

Ben and Bev were married within a week, pregnant within two. Their first child was a boy named Edward Stanley Hanscom.

Bill went back to England and began work on his new book. It was called _The Barrens _and it was about a group of kids who came together to defeat a supernatural entity. He dedicated it to Eddie and Stanley, although by the time it was finished he could hardly remember who they were.

Mike took responsibility for calling Eddie's wife, Myra. He pretended to be a member of the Derry Police Department, and told her that her husband had died in a freak building collapse and that his body had not been recovered. He stayed on the phone with her the whole time while she cried hysterically. When she finally thanked him and hung up, he cried too. He also bought two plots at the Derry Cemetery. The gravestones read simply _Eddie Kaspbrak _and _Stan Uris. _Stan would be buried in Atlanta, and presumably Myra would have a ceremonial funeral in New York, but it felt only right that they both have a resting place in Derry too. And maybe, if Derry was ever rebuilt, they'd find Eddie's body and he could be laid to rest in a real grave. Still, Mike knew deep down that even if they combed every inch of that sewer, they'd never find Eddie. He was just gone. Once that was done, he took off for South America. They need librarians everywhere, don't they?

Richie went back to LA. He quit his job at the radio station. His friends called. He didn't pick up. He just sat in his house, reading books by a horror novelist with a vaguely familiar name, but one that he no longer associated anything with other than his writing. After a while, he didn't even know why he was depressed. There was a reason for it, it had started in some way, with some catalyst, but whatever that was had been lost to memory. 

And then he got a call.

He probably wouldn't have picked up the phone, but he began to tire of the incessant ringing.

"What?" He snapped. There was a pause on the other line.

"Is this Richie Tozier?"

"Yeah. Who the hell are you?"

"Mr. Tozier, I have the opportunity of a lifetime for you..." And it happened to be true. The voice on the other line was a producer who wanted to cast Richie in a movie. He loved Richie's Voices, and thought they'd transfer perfectly to the character he was supposed to play. Richie almost said no. Then the producer told him what the movie was. It was an adaption of William Denbrough's latest book, _The Barrens, _had Richie read it? Yes, he had. Well, then, the producers thought he'd be perfect to play the adult version of Kyle, the clown and joker of the group, with a series of Voices very similar to Richie's. Richie agreed.

He made the movie, and little by little, it brought him back to the man he had been before Derry, in large part because of his scene partner. David Benson played the neurotic, delicate Petey in the movie. Any of the Losers Club that remembered Eddie would have said that David looked and acted just like Eddie Kaspbrak, both on-screen and off. A month after filming ended, when Richie was back to throwing extravagant parties and doing his Voices, David asked Richie out on a date. Richie said yes. Six months later, they moved in together. Three years later, when every trace of Derry had been wiped from Richie's memory, on the exact day that Richie had realized he was in love with Eddie, over thirty years ago, they were married. Richie hosted a late-night comedy show. Life was good and fun and so, so far from the constant fear of Derry. And he never thought of Eddie Kaspbrak again. At least, not by name. But every time he looked at David, every time he saw a kid with a broken arm or asthma, he remembered a first love and a warm summer day when a 13-year-old boy fell in love for the first time.


End file.
